Repercussions and Resolutions
by kjoseph
Summary: Harm deals with returning to JAG after his stint in the CIA. Facing new challenges and old conflicts he must reach deep inside to find himself as he heads toward the biggest case of his career.
1. Figures of the past

Repercussions and Resolutions Author: kjoseph Disclaimer: JAG and its affiliates are properties of Paramount Television, Belasariaus productions, and CBS. No profit is gained from this writing exercise. It's just for fun. Authors notes: I wrote this soon after "Close Quarters" aired. I was happy with the way the arc went, but thought they left a lot unsaid and could have gone other directions with character development and follow through. I borrowed a few lines from "Touchdown, Back in the Saddle, and Close Quarters". This is my take on what did happen and what should have happened through the first third of season nine. Feedback is always appreciated, but please be kind.  
  
PART I: Personal journal of Harmon Rabb Jr. 5/03: "I once read a book where the author stated that bad things come in three's. Well I couldn't agree more, at least if you were to use my life of late as an example. Of all the crazy stunts I've pulled during the course of my near twenty years in the United States Navy, resigning my commission and donning a single person, self financed rescue mission to Paraguay was about the craziest thing I probably ever could have done. Of course that is in hindsight, not what I was thinking (or should have been thinking) at the time. Admiral Chegwidden was right; I do act on emotion too often. My decisions have generally served me well over the years in my service to God and country as well as my untamed pursuit of justice in and out of the court room. However some times they get me in more trouble than its worth."  
  
"Emotions are something I run off of but I can usually keep them in check when it comes to a direct order form my Commanding Officer. When it comes to emotions outside the office they remain blocked off behind closed walls at least when it comes to relationships. Expressing myself to another, and undeniably when it comes down to love. The disappearance and death of my father and the death of the only two women I have ever come close to loving have undeniably caused this automatic shut down when it comes to getting close to a woman beyond the physical. Well that's not entirely true. I was in love with another woman. In fact I probably still am. It is an emotion that I have shut out for the past seven years, in honesty I confess it only to this journal that I write in and never to her. Never verbally that is, but I am convinced I have done more than enough to show it."  
  
"Control is something that I have to have. As an aviator it is a matter of second nature and survival; as a lawyer it is a matter of success, determination and the discovery of the truth. Much a necessity to me as air is to live. And as much as it pains me to admit it, she is the only person that can make me loose control over my emotions and just about everything else I do. She was my partner, my best friend and the reason I made the hot headed decision to go to Paraguay in the first place. She was in trouble and I knew she needed me to rescue her. Without self doubt, without hesitance, and without compromise, I told Admiral Chegwidden in no uncertain terms that I would do just that and no rules, regulations and political red tape would stop me. Blame it on my large ego and hero complex, I went in full throttle to a known terrorists compound and with the help of Gunny saved her Marine behind and her new boyfriends as well. Oh didn't I mention that? While on her Op, with Webb, they seemed to have developed some sort of feelings for each other that apparently supersede what I thought Mac and I were working towards. Hey I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed when it comes to love, but I do love her, I just denied it too long I guess."  
  
"Snapping to attention and telling the Admiral that I resigned and was going after Mac was my personal wake up call. I had always known it to be true, but at that one I decided to toss in the towel on my career at JAG was the moment I admitted it to myself. Strangely enough I did half expect to tell her once I found her, but with all the murderers, terrorists and CIA traitors roaming around, I didn't get much of a chance to do so. I did however get the opportunity once again to stick my foot in my mouth thanks to my oh so wonderful communication skills and well you know the rest of the story, blew up the Stinger missiles, saved Mac and Webb from being tortured to death and as a reward lost the women of my dreams to a Spook. Yep a CIA spook that through the seven years I've dealt with him has never shown an ounce emotion. I guess being tortured near death changes a man."  
  
"My friend Sturgis once told me that for a guy that flew the fastest jets in the Navy; I was the slowest man on the earth when it came to admitting my feelings for someone. He was and still is right. Mac once asked me what I would be willing to give up for her. The Admiral asked me what I would be willing to give up to keep her. The answer is that of the same. I gave up the one thing that made me, well me, I gave up the Navy. Sure in the past I gave up Renee and other women when things got too serious, because hell, they weren't for me when it came to long term. But the Navy made up me, and giving that up without a single compromising thought was the final straw holding the damn of feelings back. Now without the job I want and the women I want, I find myself giving up her, friendship and all, so she can be happy with someone else. Yeah, I am a warrior in the courtroom and on the battle field, but when it comes to competition for love, I don't have the first damn clue how to fight the battle; and its obvious Mac isn't going to show me the way."  
  
"Back to my point about bad things in three's...well first the obvious, I resign my commission in the Navy. A career that I longed and worked hard for no thrown away at the climax of a two minute argument with my former CO. I can't say I completely blame the Admiral. The US government couldn't officially go in to get Mac and Webb, but I'm off the mind that I must protect those I care about. So I leave without hesitation and the rest is history. Second, Mac tells me after this ordeal that there is no chance for us because we both have ambitions to being on top. I'll admit we are competitive with one another and there is no doubt that my next career ambition would have been to become the next JAG, but I would think tossing my career away to safe her six would null and void that argument. Apparently I was wrong. And of course I didn't communicate that to her. Anyway the third whammy occurred upon my successful return to the good old US of A I was told by the "great" Admiral Chegwidden that he had processed my resignation and I was a civilian. Not the hero's welcome that I was half expecting, but not entirely unexpected either. It seems everyone thinks I'm some gung ho stupid cowboy SOB and you know what, they are not entirely wrong. However after all these years of service, success and personal favors for everyone at JAG, I am honestly a bit crushed and abandoned by the only people I have come to consider family. Well life is not without its funny surprises and challenges. Even though I lost my job at JAG, I have now been offered a new job opportunity working for the CIA as a pilot/operative. I'm taking it in my new quest to move on with my life....we will see where the future takes me."  
  
From Touchdown Cut to scene of Harm landing the C130 on the Patrick Henry  
  
Voice of Reporter And the pilot of this aircraft, former Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. of the United States Navy.  
  
Shot of Harm carrying the small Libyan Child in his arms.  
  
Voice of ships Captain Oh no, in all this confusion we forgot.  
  
About what sir?  
  
The news crew...  
  
Pan to shot of news crew filming Harm walking off of the plane with the child.  
  
11/03: "I haven't written in a while; hell it's been six months since I last wrote. It seems I only want to write about my feelings when there is either big change in my life, a conflict or both. Who knows, maybe some day I'll have some good news to put down. Not today however. I've been on various TAD's and none have compared to the amount of action I have seen over the last six months flying for the CIA. I should know by now that trouble seems to just find me wherever I go. Now 37 successful missions and a lost of lonely nights later, I find myself out of a job again. The primary reason was that in route to completing an informant extraction from Libya we sustained critical damage to our aircraft. Because our informant made the last minute decision to bring his entire family along for the trip without telling us, we didn't have enough parachutes and couldn't ditch the plane and bale. Since I had no other options available, I made the decision to land a C130 on an aircraft carrier and the media got it on tape. Now the landing being an accomplishment of its own merit tends to be a big thing in a time of war. So of course the media, who was capturing this as it happened broadcasted it live and well the nation saw what they wanted it to see. Well I can't say I completely blame the CIA and Webb for letting me go. What good am I to the company if people know my face?"  
  
"Mac came to see me. From the way I read her and the amount of time it's been since we spoke and saw each other, I could only infer that she and Webb have been getting closer. Of course I couldn't resist testing her patience with my cheap remarks and comments about it. Not really one of my finest moments, but I definitely was not in the mood to entertain guests. In my defense though, Mac hadn't really come by on her own accord. It seems she needed some help. She dragged me into helping her on Commander Ime's case reviews who I at that point found out, is not a real lawyer. As funny and astonishing as this revelation was, I still wanted to yell scream and literally throw her out after the audacity of her candid attitude with me. We are not the best friends we were, we are not partners anymore, hell we're barely on speaking terms; but as usual I'm a sucker and I helped her out. Our relationship is no where near where it was and our interaction was cold at best, but there is still some care there. Who knows, maybe one day we'll be friends again."  
  
Cut to shot of Harm putting journal away in his desk and walking to his couch. Picking up his guitar he starts to play and remember about his history with Mac scenes from when they first met in the Rose Garden to Embassy, to Deathwatch, The Stalker, Web of Lies Boomerang 1 & 2, Lifeline, Adrift 1 & 2, Jagathon, In Country, Enemy Below and A Tangled Webb.  
  
Saturday 2330 Zulu  
  
"I said that maybe one day I would write down something positive if it ever came along and tonight I think I am doing so. A big change in my life came yesterday while doing some sole searching; and taking up a temporary job of crop dusting. I met a girl. No not a women, a fourteen year old girl. Long story short, we have some things in common in reference to loosing parents at a young age. Sort of a connection of weary soles if you will. Anyway, she is without a parental role model and I am without some real purpose in my life. Maybe I need to help people, I don't know, but this feeling and connection seems to go well beyond that simple need I once lived by. We click and make a perfect match I guess. We shall see how this transition goes. It's going to be an uphill battle to become her guardian, but hey I never back down from a challenge do I?"  
  
"Oh two positive pieces of news now as I'm in the Navy now. Or again depending on how you want to look at it. Yep, you read correctly, Admiral Chegwidden tracked me down after six months of silence, and we had a bit of coming to terms with our issues. Even though we were at an impasse with one another, it actually it went better than I would have expected and better than either one of us probably deserved. He didn't directly apologize and neither did I as we both don't feel that's what the real issue was/is. He made a lot of statements about me, some good some bad, but all rang true. In the end, the oblivious decision was to accept his offer and have my commission reinstated. Now that we had come to an understanding with one another I begin a journey of new and old. The road back for us to come to this decision and offer though was somewhat eye opening for me and how and why he asked me to return is something I will never forget..."  
  
Yesterday 2000 Zulu Hanger at Grace Aviation  
  
The scene finds Harm working on his biplane Sarah, talking with Mattie Grace. They are talking about some of Harms crazy stunts he's pulled while in the air when Admiral Chegwidden arrives. The Admiral walks up while Harms back is turned to him and is about to speak when Harm speaks first.  
  
"What brings you out here Admiral?"  
  
"How the hell did you know it was me without looking or hearing me?"  
  
"It's an old habit from a former life." (Harm stops working on the plane and turns to Mattie) "Mattie this is an old colleague of mine Admiral Chegwidden...Admiral Chegwidden this is Mattie Grace." (The Admiral offers his hand to the young girl Not taking his hand, she turns to Harm)  
  
"Is this as the jackass that fired you Harm?"  
  
(AJ stunned that a 14 year old girl has just shot him down. Back-peddling a little, AJ re-tracks his offered gesture and looks for the right words.) "Well I didn't exactly fire him; I just wouldn't let him have his old job back."  
  
"Don't sugar coat your own shit Admiral, you fired him."  
  
"Who is this... Harm?"  
  
"Mattie Grace; of Grace Aviation of course" (with a sly smile).  
  
"Of course she is" (Dryly)  
  
"Mattie do me a favor and excuse me for a couple of minutes"  
  
"No problem Harm" (She turns to AJ)  
  
"Wish I could say it was a pleasure meeting you Admiral" (She leaves to go to her office)  
  
"Sweet girl Rabb, friend of yours?"  
  
"Boss actually."  
  
"You have got to be joking."  
  
"No AJ I'm not. How did you find me?"  
  
"I know this is where you keep Sarah, and just figured...How are you Harm?"  
  
"You didn't drive 80 miles to bullshit with me AJ you could have just called if you wanted to know that. Hell you could have called a lot of times in the last six months if you really wanted to know how I was doing." (AJ lets Harms comments slide without retaliation.)  
  
"I spoke with Webb; he let me know about your forced career change. Can't say though that after that landing last week on ZNN, I didn't expect it either"  
  
(Harm is turned facing AJ, looks mad and confused.) "Well...Webb should know...seems you and he finally have something in common" (referring to both of them firing him)  
  
"Harm I don't think he had much of a choice in the matter."  
  
"No I guess he didn't. Then again Webb doesn't have a choice for a lot of things he does."  
  
"I'm not here to debate you on your pissing contest with Webb Mr. Rabb..."  
  
"Well then what the hell do you want with from me AJ?"  
  
"To talk to you" (plain and blunt).  
  
(Harm gets in his face and is about 3 inches away and yells.) "You tossed me out on my ass six months ago without a second thought. After all the times I saved your six, slaved for you, covered for you, hell I disregarded the rules and helped you save Francesca in Italy.I stood by your side, never challenged your judgment or command and when we have a conflict of conscience over someone I thought we both care about you didn't give a good god damn!"  
  
"You don't think I wanted you to go to Mac and bring her back!?"  
  
"I think your reluctance to do anything useful proved that one!"  
  
"Well then listen up son, because you're only going to hear this once! I did want you to go after her, but I was under orders not to do anything! This was a black op. Mac knew what she signed on for and my hands were tied no matter what I wanted to do!"  
  
"So you hid behind your orders Admiral...I couldn't do that."  
  
"And you never do when you don't agree with them! Harm you have driven me over the edge time and time again from the first assignment I have ever given you. Almost 8 years now I've put up with your wining and bickering not too mention childish antics. You have caused me to loose what little hair I had left when I came to JAG in less than a month! I have taken more shit from officers and politicians for you and covered your ass more times than any CO in any military should. So don't pull this all the times I helped you crap with me. I've done as much for you as you've done for me..." (AJ Pauses for a moment) However you have also proved yourself time and again. Whether you want to call the majority of your actions heroic..."  
  
(Harm interrupts) "I don't..."  
  
"...Or whether you want to call it for the good of service, it was still you. Your actions, your choices and the lives you helped and saved because of their results...were all you. If anyone was born to be an officer in the United States Navy... it was you. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty more times than I can count and for reasons I'd rather not discuss. As your CO I did what I had to do and I stand by that decision, but as your friend I know I let you down."  
  
"So what then, forgive and forget AJ? Is that what you drove all the way out here for?"  
  
"No Harm, its not forgiveness I want from you."  
  
"Good, so what is it then?"  
  
(AJ pauses knowing this is going to take some time.)  
  
"Let's take a walk Harm."  
  
(Harm and AJ start walking on one of the deserted strips adjacent to the hanger. Neither is sure of the other. AJ stops looks at Harm and speaks first breaking the silence.) "Harm, I'll be honest with you. I'm in a bit of a bind right now. As you know Commander Imes has been discharged from the Navy for forging her bar acceptance. I need someone to replace her ASAP. I would like that someone to be you. It would involve the full reinstatement of your commission as Commander and no penalty would be assessed for your six month absence. Hell I think we can probably get your tour with the CIA credited to your file as some undercover TAD this way you would stand full chance for any promotional opportunities that the future would bring...should you earn it of course."  
  
"Lets not forget you told me I was "unreliable and not a team player" so why now why me of all the people available?"  
  
"I stand by what I said. You run on emotion, you drive me nuts, and you have some kindergarten communication and responsibility issues that you damn sure need to work out before accepting this offer."  
  
"Oh really and what would those be?"  
  
"Harm, as good as you are, hell as great as you are in the cockpit of an F- 14 or in the courtroom, your ego is the size of Mount Everest and your convictions to honor and chivalry tend to get you in more trouble than its worth sometimes. You have the ability to do things others only dream of. You say you don't act in heroism, I say I agree, you act in spite of heroics; you act from a need to protect those who suffer and those you care about. It's what drives you to not know how to fail and what makes being a JAG what you do...its who you are."  
  
"So what's the problem then?"  
  
"You let that emotion constantly control your decision making. Harm there are times you need to let go of the control and trust in others. Especially those who believe in you. Until you do that, nothing in your life will come together the way you want it. Not your career, not your relationships with your friends, and not your relationship with Mac."  
  
"I have no relationship with Mac."  
  
"That is a debatable statement and that is for you two to figure out."  
  
(AJ lets that sink in for a moment and then speaks) "You keep running the other direction son and tell me, where has it gotten you? Have you found happiness? Are you content to say the least?"  
  
"Point taken. Why did you come here now?"  
  
"Because someone much wiser than I pointed out that I was being a stubborn ass not listening to what my heart was telling me and what my head dictated. Because sometimes a good leader needs to concede that his heart needs to do the talking and take the wheel. I thinks we both made decisions that cost us. You your career amongst other things, and me a fine attorney and officer in my command...and a friend. I stand by my decision Harm, you disobeyed an order..."  
  
(Harm interrupts him) "...You know I don't regret going after Mac and Webb no matter what it did cost me, so what makes you think I won't do it again? Where is this new found faith coming from? Why do you want me of all people back?"  
  
"Because quite frankly you are the best! You are what makes up the definition of an officer and a gentleman and you are to crux of the justice that the UCMJ strives for. The Navy needs you, your friends need you, and son your country needs you."  
  
"I want an honest answer from you...what would you have done?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Had it been Meredith in Macs place what would you have done?" (AJ stares at Harm. This is the first time Harm has ever verbalized his feelings for Mac in one way or another. Not that he hadn't suspected for some time. And that suspicion had been confirmed when he resigned without as much as an inkling of hesitation. Why they never got it together was beyond him, but he knew he had to answer Harm's question. It was one he had struggled with himself since he found out Mac was missing. The line between duty and honor had been blurred by emotion and possibly love. AJ knew the answer all to well and he didn't like it at all...)  
  
"Harm, man to man, between you and me...without hesitation, without a second thought and without compromise I would have done the same damned thing. With the exception of following through when I was done."  
  
"What do you mean follow through?"  
  
"You didn't go down there to rescue and damsel in distress, you went after the woman you love."  
  
"Admiral..."  
  
"It's a fact not a question and not beginning of a debate Rabb. One day you'll understand what I mean."  
  
(sarcastically) "And when will that be?"  
  
"The day you actually learn to follow through with everything you've got. Are you satisfied?"  
  
(Harm pauses....then answers.) "I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied."  
  
(AJ knows what's coming next. He turns to leave and starts walking away while Harm stays put and reflects.) "Son when you are ready to "stop being Peter Pan" and ready to grow up and start serving your country and stop serving yourself...give me a call...we'll start fresh."  
  
(With that AJ puts on his ball cap and walks down the runway away from a stunned Harm.) "Admiral Chegwidden!"  
  
(AJ turns about face and stares down Harm.)  
  
"Do you honestly believe we can start fresh sir?"  
  
"I don't say things I don't mean Harm and I know I'm willing to try. Are you?"  
  
"I don't make promises I can't keep."  
  
"So what is it then? Serve your country or serve yourself...(laughs to himself) who knows maybe you'll find the two go hand in hand one of these days."  
  
"I think it's about time I found out sir..."  
  
(Harm extends his hand to Chegwidden. Chegwidden takes the offering. Things certainly were not perfect, but there was a foundation that had just been formed...a start.)  
  
"0900 Monday morning Commander Rabb."  
  
"Yes sir...and Admiral...thank you."  
  
(Smiles) "Don't thank me yet...you never know you may regret it."  
  
(Harm walks down the path.) "Oh and Commander Rabb..."  
  
(Harm smiles at the sound of that statement turns around to face AJ.) "Yes sir"  
  
"Don't you dare be a minute late...Dismissed!"  
  
"Aye Aye sir." 


	2. Those who do not disappear

PART II Monday 0900 Zulu  
  
(Harm entered the bullpen at JAG and to his astonishment received a round of warm and surprised smiles from those around him. Bud surprised to see him and in uniform no less spoke first.)  
  
"Commander, good to see you!"  
  
"You too Lieutenant."  
  
"I take this site of you in uniform to mean that you are back at JAG sir?"  
  
"Yes Bud, the ah, Admiral has graciously decided to take me back."  
  
"That's wonderful."  
  
"I couldn't agree more (said Sturgis). Welcome back buddy."  
  
(Harm takes Sturgis' hand and shakes it.) "Thanks Sturg"  
  
"Well I must say that this is a surprise to us all. The Admiral didn't mention that you would be coming back. He just told us your replacement would be arriving today. Or should I say second replacement after the Imes diabolical. How did this come about?"  
  
"Let's just say we had a meeting of the mind and the heart and leave it at that ok?"  
  
"Ok with me. Well in any respect Harm, your return is long overdue."  
  
"Thank you Commander."  
  
"Oh, Harm, does Mac know yet?"  
  
"No, she and I haven't been speaking much since I left JAG."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
"Sturgis, don't start"  
  
"I'm not saying anything" (walks away with a grin)  
  
(Petty Officer Coates walks up to Harm) "Good morning sir."  
  
"Morning Jennifer"  
  
"I must say it is great to have you back at JAG sir."  
  
"Thanks Jenn"  
  
"The Admiral said he wanted to see you as soon as you came in."  
  
"Thank you Petty Officer"  
  
"Harm knocks on the Admirals door"  
  
"Enter"  
  
"You asked to see me sir?"  
  
"At ease Commander, have a seat."  
  
(Harm sits)  
  
"Commander, first let me welcome you back, you actually made it on time so I guess I should take this as a first step toward a new beginning."  
  
"Yes sir"  
  
"Good. Commander, let me be blunt with you. It is my belief that you will rise above the cynicism and disbelief that you do not deserve to be back here that you may encounter from some of your colleagues."  
  
"I will not let you down sir."  
  
"I have no doubt. That being said Commander; you must realize that during the last six months things have changed around here and thus your return must not disrupt those changes".  
  
"I'm not sure I follow sir"  
  
"Your previous accomplishments not withstanding, life did go on when you weren't here. Things can't and won't just go back to the way they were. I need you to start at the bottom of the barrel so to speak in regards to assignments and case loads, helping review Carolyn Imes' cases and catalog them. After that mess is taken care of we will see about working your way back up to higher investigations and cases. You will also be taking over Commander Turner's former office as he seems quite settled in his new one."  
  
(A little shocked yet undaunted, Harm responds.) "I understand sir. I'll get right on it and see that I don't let you down."  
  
(AJ a little surprised at the lack of resistance in Harm he hides his disbelief that this is the same Harmon Rabb that once was the poster boy for the Navy and lets it slide.) "See that you don't Commander."  
  
"Aye Aye sir"  
  
"Dismissed."  
  
(During his walk to his "new office" he passes Mac Harm leaves toward his new boring task.)  
  
"Morning Colonel" (with a half hearted grin)  
  
"Morning Commander" (As second nature responds, then is shocked to find before her...) "...Harm? What are you doing here...I mean in uniform...what I mean is..."  
  
"I'm back at JAG Mac."  
  
"I can see, I mean congratulations I guess"  
  
"Thank you"  
  
(Long pause, and stare between the two.) "Well," (she pauses trying to find words for someone with whom she was once so close with and now so distant). "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?"  
  
"It happened kind of fast and I didn't just want to call you out of the blue after six months and throw it at you."  
  
"Thanks a lot! A heads up would have been nice. I guess I know where we stand now. Who am I kidding anyway; communication was never our strong point."  
  
(Harm looks around the bullpen and sees people starting to stare after Mac's outburst. Frustrated Harm grabs what he can of his professional composure and ushers Mac toward her office. He closes the door.)  
  
"Ok Mac here it is and I really only want to have this discussion once. I didn't tell you or a variety of reasons. First I didn't know until last Friday. Second, you made it clear after Paraguay wear we stood and I respected your choice and moved on. Third, quite frankly it was none of your damned business."  
  
"Harm..."  
  
"No, you did all the talking now it's my turn Mac. I am here to reclaim something I lost that was dear to me. In doing so I have to reprove myself again and go through tasks that a first year PO would be assigned. I did not come back to JAG under the pretence that you and I would pick up where we left off, nor under the concern of your "need to know". I'm here at the service of my country and my career. I will not be playing kids games with you daily because of how you feel. I have a job to do so if you'll excuse me you just have yourself a good day Colonel!"  
  
(Harm walks away with Mac speechless and in disbelief.)  
  
"Mac says to herself...good job Mac way to go. No steps forward...10 steps back."  
  
************************************************************************ (The rest of the day for Mac went by slowly. She was unable to concentrate on her current case she was trying to wrap up. Simple prosecution of a Petty Officer Toscano for having a minor amount of Marijuana found in his locker. Mac didn't want to bother with the Article 32 so she called Bud into her office who just happened to be defending the Petty Officer)  
  
"Bud you got a second."  
  
"Sure Ma'am. What can I do for you?"  
  
"It is about the Toscano Article 32 tomorrow. I would really like to wrap it up today and forgo the appearance before Judge Sebring."  
  
"Ma'am, you know my client stands firm that the Marijuana was planted in his locker."  
  
"Come on Bud that is the first excuse of any guilty accused."  
  
"It is still possible, since the lock was not working properly on the locker. Anyone with a problem with the PO could have left it in there."  
  
"Anyone with a problem with him. Half of the people he works with can't stand him. Ok look, his fingerprints are on the bag, plead guilty, 60 days confinement, mandatory drug counseling and forfeiture of pay for the next 90 days."  
  
(Bud considers this "gift" of an offer) "I'll confer with my client, but I think we can say he'll agree. Colonel? Is everything alright, this is not like you to be so..."  
  
"Go ahead and say it Bud"  
  
"Well generous. This wouldn't have anything to do with the Commanders return would it?"  
  
"Bud I'm going to pretend I didn't even here that question. Go confer with your client. Dismissed."  
  
"Aye Aye Ma'am"  
  
(Bud leaves as Mac puts her hands over her face. Life had been much easier for her at work with Harm not there. Truth be told, she had been feeling incredibly guilty about him resigning from JAG, but most of all how all she could do was give him a hard time in Paraguay and some ridiculous answer that they could never work because they both want to be on top. There was some truth to that statement that they were both ambitious, but she new Harm was the one person who would never stand in her way of success....well would not have stood in her way. All she did was spit in his face on a street corner in South America and destroy 7 years of friendship and what she knew would be their romance in the process. Oh and jumped into the arms of another man...well at least her relationship with Clayton Webb hadn't been going bad. In fact it kept getting more serious. She was the happiest she had been since Mic left two years prior... and seeing Harm a week prior asking him for help (as he reluctantly agreed) and now back at JAG made her feel guilty...and she knew she deserved some of it.)  
  
"Damn you Harmon Rabb!"  
  
"Has the Commander gotten back to pushing your buttons already Colonel?" (Mac is stunned to find the Admiral standing in her office doorway.)  
  
"I'm sorry sir" (as she came to attention)  
  
"At ease Mac" (taking a seat in front of her desk). "So tell me, are there problems between you two already?"  
  
"No sir, in fact quite the opposite...he won't really speak to me. Not after I stuck my foot in my mouth this morning. It's just...well frankly his being back here caught me by surprise that's all."  
  
"Well Mac, I seem to remember a conversation we had in my office where you did come to his defense no more than a week ago after the Ime's article 32. If I remember correctly you spent some energy reminding me of what a good attorney and investigator he is."  
  
"Yes sir and I stand by my statements; it's just that he didn't warn me that's all."  
  
"Ah, I see, he's keeping it strictly professional these days?"  
  
"That would be accurate sir."  
  
"Mac I know that things haven't been well between you two since the Commanders initial departure and I know I don't know all the details, but I do know you and the Commander pretty well. I don't expect that everything will be as it was prior to your leaving for Paraguay, but we have a duty to maintain the highest standards of justice and conduct in and out of this office...am I making myself clear Colonel?"  
  
"Sir I can assure you that our personal issues will not affect our work here at JAG."  
  
"Yeah right...and history never repeats itself (he says sarcastically). I may be overstepping my bounds here as your CO, but for my sanity and the rest of your fellow officers, listen up anyway. Over the last seven years I swear the two of you cost me more time and agony with all the trouble you get in, especially with each other. But you always seem to work it out, no matter the case you don't agree on, the relationship that one has that the other can't stand, or the nuclear bomb that's about to blow up and you can't seem to agree on which wire to cut. Bottom line is you make a good pairing. You are both excellent officers and attorneys and when you are on the ball together; nothing and I mean nothing can stop you."  
  
"Sir we did have a great partnership, but we aren't there any more."  
  
"No you aren't, but you will be."  
  
"We will try sir...but"  
  
"Mac listen. I asked the Commander to come back for a variety of reasons, partly because he convinced me that his cowboy days are over, but more importantly because of trust and faith. I have to have faith he'll do the right thing by the Navy and he has to have faith in me as his CO. It's not a perfect trust mind you, but its building slowly and strongly. You might think about that."  
  
"I will sir."  
  
"Good Colonel. Now you won't be paired together right away, you both need to do the sole searching yourselves and come to that arrangement. You'll know when you are ready."  
  
"I have Commander Rabb...doing what he needs to do to get back in the groove and to see if he can handle a little grunt work. It should take him a week or so and then I will be assigning him investigations. I'm letting you know this as my chief of staff so this conversation will not leave this room, understood?"  
  
"Completely sir."  
  
"I expect whatever issues that are between you two will stay checked at the door...do I make myself clear."  
  
"Crystal sir."  
  
"Good, carry on. Oh and Mac...I promise, time will make the tension disappear. (Smiles) Either that or locking you both in a dark closet together until you can sort this out or kill each other..." (The Admiral leaves with a grin of obvious pain to come on his face. Mac picks up her phone and dials)  
  
"...Webb"  
  
"Hey it's me Clay."  
  
"Sarah, this is an unaccepted pleasure!"  
  
"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight...I ah was hoping we could talk..."  
  
"Do you even have to ask? Have I turned you down for a date yet Sarah?"  
  
"Well, I seem to remember two months ago you canceling on me to go to Iran for some reason or another."  
  
(Playfully) "Now I told you that was a matter of National Security....of the highest level no less."  
  
"I'm kidding Clay...so say 2200 my apartment."  
  
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."  
  
"Bye." 


	3. The other side of the walls

PART III Tuesday 0830 Zulu JAG Headquarters  
  
(Harm is in his office unmercifully going through mounds and boxes of case loads. Surprising to himself, as boring and somewhat demeaning as these tasks were, the Admiral had made a good choice for him to do this. He was efficient and determined moving through the endless stacks of cases, but it was a fantastic review for him of the law that he had to admit, he missed practicing. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.)  
  
"Hey Sturgis come on in"  
  
"Harm, so how are you enjoying my former office?"  
  
"Oh you mean this closet with a dead rat in the wall stinking up the place; it suits me just fine."  
  
"Harm, I know some of this is going to seem uncomfortable for you and possibly a bit strange until you are fully adjusted to being back, but if having your old office would help, well I'll talk to the Admiral about it.""  
  
"No, that won't be necessary buddy. I understand the Admirals decision, and this is a welcome change."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, so don't worry about me. I'm fine doing this grunt work and I'll be fine in this renovated broom closet."  
  
"Uh huh?"  
  
"Ok, hey since you look like your going to be here all day and night, how about you and I grab a beer tomorrow?"  
  
"You buying?"  
  
"Consider it your welcome back party." (Sturgis smiles and leaves. Harm goes back to his work.)  
  
Wednesday 1730 Zulu Betzingers Bar  
  
(Harm and Sturgis are sitting at a table drinking and talking. The conversation is chummy.)  
  
"So how did your first few days back go?"  
  
"Well most of the critical reviews are done and it doesn't look like Imes' departure is going to cause any rapists and murders to walk."  
  
"That's a welcome relief. The Admiral will be happy with the results and I would think with your speed and diligence."  
  
"Let's hope so. I don't want to push paper forever."  
  
"It's only been three days Harm, give him a little time. He has to learn to trust your instincts and judgment again, but you know that he wouldn't have asked you back if JAG wasn't where you belonged."  
  
"I know... but a, telling me that is not why you offered to pick up the tab so spill it."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"What's on your mind Sturg? We're friends so go ahead and say it."  
  
"Alright, but look in truth I'm glad your back, and I know you had to work through your issues your self, and that generally you prefer to do it yourself."  
  
"But..."  
  
"What the hell happened to you? I mean you left without word, to anyone. No calls for almost six months. I know who you are Harm, but there were enough people worried about you. You do have friends you know."  
  
"Well I was on assignments most of the time...which I can't talk about by the way" (he smiles)  
  
"And when you were in town you couldn't call to let anyone know you were ok."  
  
"I called Bud to congratulate him on the baby...but I had to move on...at least temporarily to try and find some peace of mind."  
  
"Harm, we didn't abandon you."  
  
"I know, but Sturgis. Look I can be blunt with you right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"When I left JAG six months ago I lost the two things that were most valuable to me. I had to separate myself from everyone; you know that so I could regain control over my life. Now I'm back, and it's what I want. You have all fared well without me so I have the challenge of reproving myself and showing you all that I am worthy of my enormous ego."  
  
(Sturgis laughs) "Well Harm, you have changed a bit then. I would have wagered that you would have put up a fight with the Admiral and wanted things to be the same as they were before."  
  
"People change my friend. I have to roll with the new. But don't get too cocky, I'm not out of a fight by any means...something I'm sure you'll see next time we're in court."  
  
(Sturgis laughs.)  
  
"Sturgis really, I'm fine. But thank you for your concern."  
  
"I would say you are anything but fine Harm; you haven't confronted all your issues yet. The most important one is still lingering if you ask me."  
  
"I will deal with everything, I just need some time."  
  
"Promise me you'll talk to me if you need anything...or someone, Mac, anyone. We have all been a bit mystified with your whereabouts and concerned about you the past six months."  
  
"I don't want to talk about Mac Sturg. That's a subject that is off limits with me."  
  
"Harm, she cares a lot about you. And you can't tell me that you don't feel something for her. Hell you threw away your life for her safety."  
  
"Sturg drop it. As Far as Mac goes, it's strictly professional from here on out. She made it painfully clear that she didn't want a future with me six months ago and she has someone who seems to make her happy in her life now. I got in the way of her happiness once and I won't do it again."  
  
"Who Webb?"  
  
"Yeah" (grunts)  
  
"You know Harm, Mac and I aren't on the best of terms now, I can see a little of what she does to drive you nuts, but I also have seen the connection you two had with each other, and that is unmatched."  
  
"Had is the operative word Sturgis."  
  
"You know Harm ...she didn't come back from Paraguay the same as she left either. And you are allowed to be happy to."  
  
"So...she's moved on. And I'm getting there."  
  
"Maybe, or maybe she just moved away...I would wager that most of things she may have said to you and some of the choices she has made are her way of dealing with what she went through. I don't know all the details, but from what I could gather there is bound to be some emotional backlash and baggage from her experiences there. It wasn't a vacation you know that."  
  
"All too well I'm afraid..." (Harm's cell phone rings...) "Hold on a minute"  
  
"Rabb..."  
  
"Hey Harm its Mattie..."  
  
"Hey you."  
  
"I just wanted to make sure you were still coming up Saturday to go flying."  
  
"Wouldn't miss it for the world sweetie."  
  
(Sturgis looks on with a shocking scowl).  
  
"I'll be there by 0930"  
  
"Man, Harm, we're going to have to work at this military thing of yours. All this different lingo and lifestyle is going to drive me a little batty."  
  
"Yeah yeah...hey it's getting late get some sleep and I'll see you Saturday."  
  
"Bye" "Bye"  
  
(Sturgis glares at Harm.)  
  
"A new girl in your life?"  
  
(Harm smirks...suddenly he remembers that he hasn't told anyone about his attempt to attain guardianship of Mattie yet and decides to have a little fun with Sturgis)  
  
"You could ah say that Sturg. I met her about two weeks ago and I tell you buddy, she is absolutely amazing, curly brown hair, feisty and very self assured."  
  
"Oh, well congratulations. What does she do for a living?"  
  
"She's a student."  
  
"Student?" (Sturgis is starting to get obviously confused.)  
  
"Yeah, why?" (Smirks to himself knowing where Sturgis is going with this)  
  
"Oh, Harm, your about 40 now and well you've gone through a lot in the past six months...you are demonstrating the signs of a midlife crisis. Can I ask how old this girl is?"  
  
"Sure, she's 14"  
  
"FOURTEEN!!!! Are you out of your damned mind!"  
  
(Harm can't hold back the laughter anymore and breaks down almost in tears of hysteria)  
  
"What is so damned funny Harm? Ok don't worry you've gone over the deep end. The CIA will do that to you. I understand, we'll get through it...."  
  
"Sturgis, Sturgis calm down".  
  
(Takes a moment and then stops cold...) "Oh so you were just playing with me?" (Gets angry) "I tell you Harm you have a wicked and sick sense of humor." (He gets up to leave)  
  
"Sturgis hold on. I wasn't exactly lying either."  
  
"Then what in the hell are you talking about?"  
  
(Harm is calming down from his hysteria of laughter a minute prior)  
  
"Ok Harm speak..."  
  
"Sturgis what would say if I told you I was becoming a father."  
  
"Thoroughly confused now Sturgis scratches his head." "Well...ah congratulations? Just tell me this fourteen year old is not the mother?"  
  
"There is no mother Sturgis. Sit down apparently there is a lot I need to fill you in on." (Harm begins to tell Sturgis of his plans to attain Mattie's guardianship.)  
  
About an hour later...  
  
"You know Harm; I am shocked, flabbergasted, but well, proud of you. I just hope your doing this for all the right reasons, not just your undying sense of loyalty."  
  
"You know how I feel about kids growing up without parents Sturgis. And she and I click. Bottom line is, there is something she needs that I can give and I need something she has. We are a good match and it will work out fine....if I can convince social services..."  
  
"Well I know a good lawyer if you need legal assistance."  
  
"Are you offering to represent me?"  
  
"No I was referring to Mac"  
  
"Sturgis I don't want her help...let alone don't know how to tell her anyway. We are not where we were and won't be for a long time to come if ever."  
  
"Harm, listen to me well my friend, that woman has followed you around the world on personal quests as you have her. You are both too pig headed and stubborn to admit it, but you are both halves of an unrequited sole. I don't pretend to completely understand Mac, nor where she is right now in her personal life, but I do understand the two of you, and for two people who are the bravest instruments of justice in this country, you are both chickens when it comes to loosing control. And that is the truth Harm; it's not about wanting to be on top, or how much pain you have caused each other in the past. It's the fear that she is the one person who makes you loose control over everything you do and it scares the hell out of you. The same goes for her. She has worked her whole life to gain control and direction after the crappy childhood she had and now that she has it, she is so damned scared that she'll loose it with you, because you are the one person who she would let willingly control her. Loss of control is why you so impulsively resigned your commission, why you put your neck on the line for her dozens of times and why no matter what, no matter how far away you go or how much time passes, the next time you saw her, I'll bet all those feelings you had put aside came rushing back to you and pierced the walls you have put around your heart. And you know what; I'll bet the same thing happened to her."  
  
"Sturgis..."  
  
"No let me ask you...is it over?"  
  
(Pauses and thinks for a moment) "You sound like O'Neil."  
  
"Huh? Who?"  
  
"Former Commander Beth O'Neil. You remember you and Mac prosecuted her on the charge of sexual harassment last year."  
  
"Oh yeah, she left the Navy? As I recall you and Manetie got her acquitted."  
  
"She wanted to move on. She works for the company now. She was my occasional partner. She told me that I would know if it was over the next time I saw Mac. That was four months ago."  
  
"Was she right...did you know when you next saw Mac?"  
  
"Yeah, I knew. I knew it when I saw her at my apartment two weeks ago. I knew when she smiled and said hey. And all I could do was give her a tough time because even though I didn't say it I was mad as hell at her and delighted to see her at the same time."  
  
"And so you're saying..."  
  
"No it isn't over, not for me. But...it isn't my place now. I have new responsibilities to look toward. And frankly they are more important than emotional jousts with Mac."  
  
"No argument. But putting up walls from Mac and the people who care most about you will never help you."  
  
"Sturgis, don't tell me I don't have a right to be angry with her. After all this, after tossing my career away and putting my ass on the line I didn't even get a thank you...it's like she expected me to come find her!"  
  
"And after all you both have been through for and with each other; shouldn't she have expected you to come find her?"  
  
"No, I mean, yes of course she could always count on me...just like"  
  
"....Just like she would have come for you...no questions asked."  
  
(Pauses) "Your right...But... before the healing can begin she needs to realize that...not have me or anyone else tell her."  
  
(Sturgis gets up to leave. Drops some money on the table for the check and starts to walk away. He stops, turns to Harm)  
  
"Harm, time doesn't heal all wounds completely you know that better than anyone, but it does help us to regain perspective and insight to our mistakes. Give that to her. Give that to yourself. Don't hide behind your walls. Slowly knock them down. I promise that your friends will be there on the other side when you do."  
  
"Thanks Sturg."  
  
"No problem Harm. Good night."  
  
(He walks out leaving Harm at the table alone. As he ponders his conversation with Sturgis, Harm knows that the choices he makes in the near future will define him as an officer and a person. He knew he had to deal with his feelings eventually, but what to do first. His responsibilities as Mattie's pending Guardian took precedence and he knew it. How would he deal with his anger with Mac and his dissolution with his friends at JAG? He had to deal, he knew that and he would. It just came down to choices... and he knew, it was time for Peter Pan to grow up).  
  
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SEQUEL: INTIMIDATION AND ILLUSSIONS 


End file.
